Pants

Continueing with the subject of body image, I would like to talk about a pair of pants I bought about 3 months ago.

I purchased a pair of tight fitting running pants about 3 months ago and have YET to wear them out of the house. (Don't worry Jason, they were only a few bucks so it wasn't a huge waste of money.) I see people at the gym wearing the EXACT same pants but for some reason, I can't bring myself to wear them. I'm slowly gaining the confidence to wear them but, not yet. They'll have to sit in my drawer for a few more weeks. I'll let everyone know when I wear them for the first time.

Anyone else out there ever had clothing they've purchased and never worn? I'm sure I'm not the only one.

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SONG OF THE RUN: (I didn't have a favorite song of the run, I think I need to reload my Ipod.)

For years, it has been undisputed that the media of society has placed HUGE amounts of stress on all females to achieve a certain physique. Before I got pregnant, I had come to terms with the fact that these high expectations of society are unobtainable and, even if they were obtainable, my short and stocky genes are not going to help me. But that's okay! I had accepted it.

Then, I had a baby and I regressed in my acceptance of my appearance. My body had changed from pre-pregnancy to post-pregnancy and the worry about my body image came rushing back to me ten-fold. Let me explain.

The skin of my stomach will never be the same after splitting and stretching to carry a 9 pound baby. It's a gross explanation but the skin is, by far, not as taut as it used to be and there's definitely stretch marks. You'll never catch me in a cute little two-piece swim suite again, I'll never change T-shirts comfortably at a soccer field again, the sun will never see my stomach and neither will anyone in public AGAIN. I hide it from the world and yet, it's something that's constantly on my mind at home, at school, everywhere I go. Have these physical scars have left me mentally scarred for life? I hope not.

It was extremely difficult to decide to post this fear publicly but, no more hiding. I've heard that the first step to overcoming your fear is to accept it and maybe by posting this, I can begin the process of acceptance. Maybe, one day, I'll be strong enough to let people see it but not today. Baby steps!

~Mama Beal

Too Much Testosterone!!!

When I got to the club today, I realized I'd forgotten my ipod. Typically, there's music on and you can always 'read' the TV screens when you're on the tred-mill so you have something to preoccupy yourself with. But, when I went downstairs, I didn't have my ipod to desensitize my brain from all the testosterone and puffy chests in the free-weights area. You could almost cut the testosterone filled air with a knife. In fact, there was so much testosterone that I became annoyed and had to finish my work out early. You ladies know what I'm talking about. Those guys that hang out in the gym for hours on end, beating their chests, getting as close as they can to you without it being socially awkward. Staring at you while you stretch or walk around the building. GROSS!!!

For instance, everyone knows that if someone is lifting free weights and there's only 1 person on the mats, it's proper gym etiquette that you move as far away from the other lifter as possible. A guy, about my age-maybe younger, came and stood on the mat section RIGHT NEXT TO ME! Hmmmm ... awkward. Then, while I was doing my lifts and watching my form in the mirror, I noticed at least 2 other guys in the background watching me in the mirror. Um, hello, but last time I checked, just because you're INDIRECTLY staring at a woman through a MIRROR doesn't make it any better than directly staring at her.

I guess there are certain FEMALE gym rats that might take that as a compliment, but seriously, I think I need a T-shirt that says;

I'm married
I have a kid
I'm here to work out
Leave me alone

I need to shower to get all the testosterone off my skin.

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SONG OF THE RUN: Let it Rock by Lil' Wayne and Kevin Rudolf

(This one's for Jason and Dave Bargmann :) )

Sigh of Relief!

My main focus these past few weeks has not been getting back in shape but instead, it has been studying and preparing for my LAST SET OF BOARD EXAMS!!!

Some of you may or may not know how stressful these exams are so I will preface you with the stress I've been enduring the past month. There are 4 sets of exams we take in order to be come licensed as a Doctor of Chiropractic. 3 written and 1 hands on. All 4 exams are taken intermittently while you're still participating in school because they are separate entities from each other. Parts 1-2 are weighted against everyone throughout the united states so you are essentially competing against everyone else taking the exam. Part 3, you are required to get at least 75% to pass and part 4 is essentially everything you've ever learned and applied physically to a patient. So, part 4 is COMPLETELY different than 1-3.

Part 4 is a true indicator of your ability to be a DOCTOR. You can't just guess, you can't fake your way through it, the answer isn't given to you in multiple choice form ... Thus, it's very hard to study for and it's crucial to perform well.

After you've completed 25 hands on stations and 20 x-ray diagnosis, you're sequestered in a room (for 5 hours) until all the students in the US have completed their exams. Ugh! Essentially, I was in high-stress-exam mode from the hours of 6:30 am to 4:15 pm. When I finally got home, my body hurt from all the clenching, shaking, standing, gripping, sweating, shivering.

All in all, it went well and I am SO glad, I'll never have to spend another $1040.00 to do that again. I can now redirect my focus back to working out.

Boards On The Brain

I have been absolutely TERRIBLE about working out and eating healthy this past week. BOARDS are tomorrow (dun dun DUAH!!!) and Saturday and I've been studying at least 4 hours per day for the last week, sometimes even more. Along with these study habits comes bad "stress" habits as I've explained in the past ... M&M's, Caribou Mocha's, Chips, Popcorn ... if it's quick, easy and edible, it goes in the mouth when I'm studying. Despite eating crap for the past few weeks, I'm proud to say that last week, I officially reached 155 lbs. WooHOO!!! (however, I did gain 2 pounds back over this last week, at least I those will be easy to lose after the exams are done.)

This got me thinking ... 155 ... I might actually be the weight I have stated on my drivers license. I don't think I've EVER been the stated weight on my drivers license.

See, if you don't follow, here's the deal. I have NEVER put my true weight on my drivers license. I've always knocked off at least 5-10 pounds. The way I look at it is, if I were to be kidnapped, it would be more useful for the government to have a weight on my driver's license that was the weight that I LOOKED instead of my actual weight (besides, if I'm going to show a bartender my drivers license, I don't want it to say my actual weight.) I know, I know, it's messed up to think this way but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Right? Anyone ... c'mon, there's gotta be other people who do this too!

Anyways, I had to look at my drivers license to recall what I'd put as my weight. As it turns out, the last time I changed my drivers license was when we moved into our new house and I can remember looking at that yellow slip of paper you're supposed to fill out and debating if I should put my actual or "tweeked" weight on there. I hesitated and then irritatedly put my TRUE weight as 165. At the time, I can remember how hard it was to do that but, it's kind of fun now since I weigh 10 pounds less! SWEET!!!

Well, wish me luck on my boards tomorrow. Think positive thoughts ... PRAY that I have mental clarity while taking the test.

~Mama Beal

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SONG OF THE RUN: Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" by Alien Ant Farm

Run and Vote, It's YOUR Responsibility!

I realized (a few days ago) that I haven't written a blog in a while. "I wonder why Julie hasn't blogged in a while" you might ask yourself? Well, I've been a bad, bad person about working out lately. My LAST SET of Boards is in 2 weeks and I have been trying to study as much as possible for them without having my study time impinge on my family time and as it turns out, working out gets kicked aside if there's sick children, studying, school, interning, etc.

I know, excuses, excuses ... I shouldn't make up excuses because no matter how much you justify it, the outcome is still the same ... I only worked out 2 times last week and I haven't been to the gym in a while. So, after almost falling off the horse, I hoisted myself back up onto the saddle today.

While leaving the parking lot of my voting location today (PS, get out and vote) I measured a new route with the speedometer in the car. I wanted to circulate my run around the voting area because you could sense the urgency and the energy coming from the hustle and bustle of the voting location. I was feeding off the energy it was putting out. After voting I proudly diplayed my "I Voted" sticker on my running shirt and left the house in the direction of the voting location. I didn't make it all the way there but I could see the intersection in the distance. From every direction cars were filing into the already packed parking lot. AMAZING!!! What a great feeling to see everyone being so politically active. It made me think about how minimal my life problems are. My BOARDS are insignificant compared to the political movements about the war or our economic crisis. A thought came to me that, I have the right to freedom, I have the right to health care, and I have the right to vote but only I am responsible for these things just like I am the only one responsible for the outcomes of my daily choice to exercise.

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FAVORITE SONG OF THE RUN: 'Breath in and Breath out' By Mat Kearney

Breath in and breath out
Tell me all of your doubt
And everybody bleeds this way, just the same

We push and pull
And we fall down sometimes
I'm not letting go, you hold the other line

There is a light, in your eyes, in your eyes ...